i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
