fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
