just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
