I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
