Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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