Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
