You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
