On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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