Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
