you didnt know i had herpes?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
