i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
