I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I sprained my soul last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
