Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
