she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize