He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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