Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish my penis had a tongue
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
