You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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