it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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