he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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