he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
