My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
