you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
