i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
