Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
