just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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