my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize