You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
