So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
