and you said cock pushups were impossible
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
wow bdsm is so cute
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