"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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