I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
