Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
