I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
