btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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