I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Be still, my beating vagina.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
