Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
