When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
