My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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