Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
