i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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