im having a threesome with these popsicles
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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