Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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