dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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