please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
