No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
