How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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