When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
