what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
