I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
