Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
