If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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