Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I could fuck to npr.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
