new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
