Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't turn off my feet"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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