Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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