And the cops told us we were all naked.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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