I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
