my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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