Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
