She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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