Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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