i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm always down for nudity.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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