My sheets look like a crime scene.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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