i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She needs sedatives and a leash
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
