it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
