Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We have started to decorate penises.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
