he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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