From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
