I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize